The entire month of Cheshvan (10/17/12-11/14/12) has been a wacky month for me. Its name has often been dubbed "Mar Cheshvan" (or "Bitter Cheshvan) is because its lack of holidays or special mitzvot (commandments). Additionally, Cheshvan was when the Mabul (Noah's Flood) started and ended (one year later). I'd like to cover all the events of my "bitter" month, but I'll start a little earlier with Sukkos.
I had a dynamic time during the first days of Sukkos! I love the family I stayed by and had a very nice time. But y'know when you get those bad feelings? I had been sitting in the living room reading a book about the Jewish super-natural. One chapter of the book discussed life after death, and retold a few stories of people who came back to life after a prolonged clinical death. But, this book didn't read like a fairy-tale. Sitting on the couch, I read the story of an Israeli soldier who had died in a car accident on his way to reserve duty. The story should of been typical. It should of been a ghost-story to tell my friends when I got back. More than that, it should of been inconsequential or simply an easy read. But while reading this story (mind you, I had read approximately fifteen similar stories before) I started to cry. I had gotten to the part of the car accident when I got this flood of unexpected emotion and when I was about to get up to wipe my face, my body turned cold.
Before I stood up, I froze. I felt like I wasn't alone. In fact, I felt a presence next to me. Now before I continue, I hope you know I was reading this super-natural book because I thought it was just cool ghost stories. I believe in the after-life, reincarnation, heaven and the rest of the Jewish shebang. But, as far as ghosts and presence goes I'm not the medium-type. I'm sure they can come, but I doubt they do it for fun. I also think it's weird and creepy and I don't like the idea of any of it (unless it's in the abstract). However, I was sitting on the couch and I felt the presence of my grandmother sitting next to me.
I don't really know how I knew this (I wasn't "seeing" anything... I just felt it). And I'll be the first to admit, I don't like admitting it one bit. But once I thought my Bubby was sitting next to me, my unexpected tears from the story of the car accident became a flood. I ran to the bathroom, cleaned up, and came back to the living room, but before I sat back down I read tehillim to make me feel better (and I'll admit, I don't typically do this either). Once I collected myself, I sat down and continued reading. I finished the story of this solider recounting his judgement in Heaven's courts and how he got a chance to come back. When he woke up disoriented in his hospital bed, his sister wrote down everything he had said and that was what made it into this book. I started to feel a little calmer wondering if I had imagined the entire events from before (me randomly starting to cry when hearing about the car accident then feeling my Bubby's presence) and shrugged it off. As the sunset, I debated if I should drive home that night. For some reason, I had a bad feeling.
I got in the car, despite my bad gut-feeling. And as my mind started to wander, I realized my feeling may be a real threat and started to pay close attention to the car in front of me. Oh man, I was too close! So I eased up in the gas and got about five car lengths behind it; after all it was a rainy/foggy night. Then, while going under a light, I saw the car go forward, the light go yellow, and the car slam on the brakes. Following suit, I break hard, surprised by the sudden stop. Unnervingly, though, my brakes don't get traction on the wet ground and I realize I'm going to hit the car in front of me. I see the car in the lane right of me is not slowing down, so I veer left to avoid a full-on crash. Unluckily, the shoulder wasn't big enough so my front right of the car went into their car pushing them into the intersection. CRAP!
Well, it turns out the person I hit didn't have insurance, adding insult to injury. And my poor car was totaled. However, I was okay and the couple driving in front of me were fine. It was then I realized if I hadn't had such a bad feeling about driving this night, I would have probably been too close and gone straight through their car. I had an angel watching me- that's for sure.
A week or so later, I am back to my day to day schedule (no car) and I decide to come down early for a visit. I also had to go to court for the ticket the cop gave me for "careless driving" (... the irony hurt). But, coming down days before my court case, was due to the FIRE that occurred in my apartment. Yeup, add insult to injury- my apartment's boiler decided to combust, leaving the basement nice and smokey smelling. After the entire Brooklyn fire department left, I decided to go home and just take a break. I head on down to Jersey and a nice HURRICANE decided to great me (thank you Sandy). I got stuck in Jersey for two weeks!!! I had a fun time with my friends, but I was missing out on school, my college started THAT week (good timing, eh?), and on top of it all, it was dark and very cold. So cold in fact, a Nor'easter came and blanketed the down trees and power lines with snow. Oh, and my court case was canceled.
All in all I'm grateful for everything I have... but boy, did I have a bitter Cheshvan.
